Drunk
by VoiSieteQui
Summary: Unrelated oneshots of hopelessly drunk Miragen pairings. Ch 1, Aokise. Ch 2. MidoTaka. Jack Daniel's is Midorima's lucky item for the day, and much to Takao's surprise, intoxicated Midorima undergoes a drastic personality change, cute tsundere no more.
1. Retarded Llama

**A/N:** _God knows how Kise managed to drown Aomine in alcohol._

_I feel really bad ahhh guys wat r u talking about who said that I was going to give up writing Aokise I love both it's just that I have a soft spot for aokuro now too! Why would I not want to write these two idiotic bastards, haha. Look at these two sweethearts, they're too precious to leave alone. This is so OOC gomen;; quick drabble, I wrote this in history class and sometimes i think im funny but im actually not but hey at least its not angst no one dies _

* * *

**Retarded Llama**

* * *

"Oi."

Kise looks up from the magazine that he's reading.

"You're…really pretty, you know that?"

Kise's mouth drops open, incredulous.

He laughs.

"You're drunk, Aominecchi."

" 'm not drunk."

Kise laughs again, this time he jokingly punches Aomine's shoulder.

"Yes you are."

" 'not."

"Yes. You. Are."

" No 'm not."

"You're _reaaallly_ drunk, you know."

Aomine halfheartedly pushes against Kise.

"'mnot. Drunk."

The blonde sighs, padding to the kitchen to get a bottle of chilled mineral water.

"Honestly, Aominecchi. I'm insulted."

Aomine looks up with half lidded eyes, words slurring together. "Why…..would 'ou be insulted….."

Kise is obviously amused. "Well. Real men aren't pretty, real men are cool and handsome."

Aomine sighs and puts his head on the table, face flushed.

"Don' give a fuck." He manages to open another beer. He mumbles. "mstillthink you're r'lly pretty though."

"But I'm a real man, Aominecchi. I'm cool and handsome."

"…cool 'n handsome….?" Aomine repeats, puzzled.

" 'ou sound like a girl in bed."

Kise sticks out his tongue, throwing his magazine at Aomine's head, blush coloring his face again.

It was not fair, so not fair, for a big idiot like Aomine to tease him even when he was _way_ too intoxicated beyond rationale and common sense.

A coquettish smile spreads, and Kise snickers.

"Ne, Aominecchi. What do you like about me the most?"

The tanned ace looks idiotically confused for a moment, thinking - like it was some phenomenally impossible physics theorem - Kise laughs again - he doesn't know whether to be insulted (for taking so long to think of good things) or flattered (for taking so long because there were _too_ many good things about Kise) - but Aomine looks so _dumb_, like one of those retarded llamas on a rural farm eating grass.

_What an idiot, Ahomine._

Kise helps open up another can of beer for Aomine.

"Come on Aominecchi. We haven't got all day. Drink up."

Aomine's dark eyebrows are drawn together in extreme concentration as he takes another swig.

"I…like your face."

"I…..'ike your eyes."

"'s pretty." "Like honey lemon candy."

"…..hair is really soft."

"…nice smile too…"

By this time, Kise's face is an alarming shade of tomato red, pink to the tips of his ears.

Aomine looks disoriented as he stares at Kise.

"Oi Kise."

"What."

"Are you drunk too?"

"Shut up." Kise buries his face in a pillow, self-conscious.

"Then why's your face red?"

"Shut up and just drink your beer _Ahomine."_

A few cans later, Kise snuggles up to the ace, till their shoulders are touching and their hands are entwined.

"Aominecchi."

"….what is your favorite thing about me?"

"Just choose one. If you had to."

….

….

There's silence, until all of a sudden, Aomine's dark blue eyes brighten, at the edge of epiphany in his drunken haze.

"Well."

"Sometimes if I squeeze your chest hard enough sometimes it can pass for an A cu-"

* * *

Aomine wakes up next morning stark naked, tied, gagged and bound to a kitchen chair with duct tape.

* * *

**A/N**:

okay is it just me or can you actually see this happening. Because I can see this happening to these idiotic basukebakas.

i couldn't think of a better title than retarded llama so we're stuck with that. but yes we made progress! No one is dead/died aaahhhhh if I get any ideas about any other drunk miragen pairings I'll add them here so they can be unrelated oneshots. (but I desperately need to think about what types of drunks they are so). I'm sorry if you think it wasn't funny I tried but my humor is the weirdest thing ever I'm just not very funny (there's a reason why all I can write is angst).

Thank you for reading and have a nice day uwu


	2. Jack Tonight

**A/N:** _Not much to say, but here, have some more crack/ fluff? Warning though, really shit attempt of whatever the hell this is after second break. Its one in the morning what am I doing_

* * *

**Jack Tonight, MidoTaka**

* * *

Getting Midorima to drink alcohol was nearly next to impossible - it was like trying to get that cocky Aomine bastard to give up his precious gravure magazines or asking Murasakibara to go on a diet and banning him from all snack-eating.

But then again, Takao liked to think that he had a special talent in dealing with Shin-chan. Or at most, have that quixotic green-haired giant wrapped more than halfway around his pinky, unwillingly bending to the raven haired boy's careless whims and unfair requests (which Takao thought, was nothing _close_ to Midorima's endless demands for him to peddle the rickshaw and look for his ridiculous lucky items.)

Today was a ludicrously special day, and Takao was going to milk this for everything that it was worth, especially for a new photo album of a red faced and blubbering Midorima.

Boy, was he going to enjoy this.

At least, that was what Takao had initially thought when he first brought out the amber bottle of Jack Daniel's, alcohol spilling into the shot glasses Midorima had grabbed from the kitchen cupboard.

"Not too classy, but you sure about this, Shin-chan?"

Midorima spared a brief nod and customarily pushed up his black-framed glasses. "It can't be helped, what Oha-sa says, I must do."

Takao laughed, raising a slim eyebrow. "Hard liquor in the evening? It's only six, isn't a bit too early to get smashed?"

"Deciding to avoid the lucky item of the day was an erroneous mistake on my part, I can't have my next 12 hours ruined by horrid luck." Midorima sighed. Spending the day with Kise and being blackmailed into 'helping' him out with his love troubles with Aomine was taxing enough already. (Though, he had to concede that the sight of a naked Aomine covered in duct tape and bound to a chair was amusing. For the first three minutes before the screaming began at least.)

"You know….." Takao had a teasing glint in his eyes. "I've never _ever _seen Shin-chan drunk before."

Midorima's eyes widened. "Don't you _dare even think about - "_

"Come on Shin-chan, do think I'd be that cruel? Don't worry, I won't take any pictures." Takao dangled his smartphone tauntingly in front of prodigy shooter.

"I don't trust you."

"Don't be so _tsundere_, Shin-chan, you don't need to worry either, I'm too jealous to share them with anyone else!"

* * *

**- 30 minutes later, Six shots of Jack later.**

* * *

"_Cancers are ranked 9__th__ today! You might want to consider investing yourself in a bottle of Jack Daniel's, four shots will ensure you a day of smooth sailing, but the more the better - though we wouldn't recommend it if you were driving! And if you're underage, we're sorry - you'll just have to make do with a day of bad luck and misfortune!"_

Takao had never regretted a decision so much in his life.

"Would you like to hand that phone over to me?" Midorima's hot breath tickled Takao's right ear as the man leaned over and languidly placed a kiss on the side of Takao's white neck. "What happened to your resistance?"

His large hands tightened in the point guard's silky hair, pulling him in for another long kiss. "So?" Midorima's voice was dangerously low, glasses off - the intensity of his smoldering eyes was only enhanced, and for once, Takao felt like he was helpless prey in the jaws of a terrifying predator.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Midorima expertly unbuttoned Takao's shirt and teasingly bit at his collarbone before taking off his own top in one fluid motion. A furious blush colored Takao's face as his fingers grappled for purchase on the soft suede material of the sofa his lover had pinned him to. The person - no, the _wild animal_ - had taken over Shin-chan- The cute tsundere he had known was completely gone, replaced by a thirsty beast.

"Get the hell off of me, and give me back my phone, my clothes, and my _Shin-chan."_

Midorima placed a finger gently at Takao's lips with a smirk.

"Quiet. I have a proper name, _Kazunari,_" grabbing one of Takao's slender hands and placing it on his chest over his heart. "After all, I still am _your_ Shintarou,"

Takao wanted to die.

He had never planned for this to happen, never once imagined that Midorima had such a…..dominating and disgustingly seductive side to him - Takao wanted to puke. Out of embarrassment or sheer incredulity, he didn't know.

"Stop daydreaming and think only of me." Midorima leaned in, undulating muscles keeping Takao trapped tightly in a heated embrace and forcefully locking lips once again, a tussle of possession and dominance, each stubbornly unwilling to yield to the other. A thin string of saliva connected their red lips as they broke apart, Midorima unruffled and Takao in a state of undress and disorientation, drunk off of the familiar taste of cool mint on his lips that burned with sweet bourbon aftertaste.

_Click._

_Click. Click. Click._

Midorima threw Takao's phone out of arm's reach after snapping a few shots and snickered.

"I'll be keeping those pictures for myself, I hope you don't mind."

There was no use rejecting Midorima's advances. Takao gave up all resistance, though two could play at this game.

"_Shintarou_….don't things so half assed. It's still six, isn't it?"

A devious smile.

"We've got all night, Kazunari."

* * *

The next day, Midorima woke with a horrible hangover and an earsplitting headache, and Takao with horrible back pain and a sore body.

"What happened last night?" was what Midorima said when he saw the atrocious amount of hickeys on Takao's chest and thighs after managing to shove on his glasses.

Takao gave Midorima the dirtiest glare he could muster.

"_Fuck you_, Shintarou."

_Dear god his ass hurt._

* * *

**A/N:**_ Oh god do you know how embarrassing it was for me to write a hot and bothered Midorima because I can't write ~dangerous~scenes like that for my life (even kissing! I get embarrassed and end up squeezing my eyes shut because alsdkgjsldk? I made it way too cheesy and fake on purpose but oh god IM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN)_

_If you have any requests for pairings/ certain drunk quirks shoot it to me via the review page :-) gomen if there are mistakes I didn't even bother looking over it bye_


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